Friday, 29 April 2016

Y is for YIPPEE!

Yippee Ki Yay mother fucker! Bruce Willis would be so proud!

We have crawled and plunged and slammed and shoved our noses into places you are just never meant to shove your snorkel and this morning we finally found it! And now the offending item has been wrapped in plastic and popped out on the balcony and we hope that the appalling stench has gone away with it.

I have been figuring that the Leukemia was making me sensitive to all things stinky, instead of just being my usual fussy self. I have stopped wearing perfume and have been slapping on oat meal and coconut moisturizer and anytime some stinker shares space on the trams I am aware that it is probably my problem not theirs.

In Adelaide there was the mildew stink that finally drove us, well maybe only me, from the flat into anothery which whilst it had a slight pong, it was more than livable.

And so when we moved in here for another week and there was this really strong odour, I was hoping against hope that it was the just cleaned cleaning product smell and that it would dissipate in short order.

But 4 days in and poor old Stevie got up this morning and said the smell was making him sick, so yippee! it wasn't just me after all. We began the hunt. There must be one of those electric stink dispensers somewhere and the flat is not all that big and still we couldn't find it. I buried my nose into the ever disgusting rag mop head and it wasn't the culprit. We shifted furniture and I even wondered about removing light bulbs cos I thought one of the down lights looked odd. The rubbish bin was searched and the appliances opened and the store cupboard given a thorough going over.

And suddenly, mid bite of his marmite toast, Stevie leapt up and shoveled a piece of furniture near the front door sideways and eyespied the fucker. He grabbed it out of it's hidden home and relegated it to the little balcony. I stuck my nose in there for one final whiff of that shitful smell to make sure that was the thing, and have now opened everything I can to blow that shit right out and away.

We are very proud of ourselves.

It was clearly never meant to be disturbed.

We hope it wasn't used to cover up some even more diabolical smell.

Back in the day, way back back back, when I was preggie with Belly, I was suffering more than a little morning sickness. This was also the era of those solid little rocks of smell coverer-upperers that we all plopped into our loos. They made the water blue or green or yellow. Do you remember them? Maybe they still make 'em I don't know, cos when you have had you face stuck into the bowel for more hours than you fancy ever recalling and it stank of that synthetic cover up, well I am pretty sure that like me you will never have bought one again.

Smell is a very strong memory trigger and if I ever am unlucky enough to smell the shit that is out on the balcony again, I am certain that I will instantly be transported back to this flat in Melbourne.

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