Wednesday, 2 March 2016

Roles and Lies

Does this look like an authentic signature?

I have lost count of the number of lies that have fallen out of anonymous Optus call centre operatives' gobs over the last 2 weeks. Today's epic call to Zac, who I am pretty sure had pushed the speaker button so that I could be the brunt of hysterical laughter with his co-workers, gave me cause to wonder just how honest anyone is, and in deed how honest I am, cos it's really only my integrity that I routinely doff my pride hat to.

So to the roles I have played and the lies I have told:

Daughter: Yeh Dad it is hot today- (My flushed face has nothing to do with that young fella I have been snogging like a maniac and who is now stashed in my wardrobe.)

Babysitter: The kids have been excellent. ( The little fuckers locked me out of the house for 2 hours)

Checkout Chick: I slipped with the scissors when I took my uniform up and now this is how it needs                               to be. (I have good legs and I will show 'em off not like these old fogies in the Deli.)

Student: I had to go home Sir cos I got my period - ( Yeh NO I was wagging class and going to the                   pictures.)
Retail Agent: Petrol, Tyres....just told it as it was.

Wife: Yeh I am happy - (And so I want a divorce.)

Teacher: I have no political opinions at all. ( What a walloper!)
               Your child is a little talkative (Your kid is a royal pain in the arse!)
                Mongolian herders live in yurts ( And they have no toilets so they get fatter and fatter until                   they go outsde and burst.)
                Yeh I think there might be so many lies told during my 30 years teaching that that's a whole                 other post.

Mother: Santa, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny
              No I never did....
Call Centre Worker: Nope, it just wasn't important enough to lie...Sometimes the Bosses were not                                         amused but actual lies is where I drew the line. I was selling stuff so glossing up                                   was ok but actual lies were NOT  

Nah, I reckon I got into far more trouble telling the truth, but the truths had it, at least I have never had any trouble remembering the truths, and I reckon I am just not smart enough to keep a bunch of lies in order.

And that's exactly the problem faced by the Optus people I have had the very great misfortune to speak to this week. Once they lie, they need to remember what they have said and oh how they hate it when you point out that whatever crap that just fell outta their gobs contradicts what they said mere minutes before, they get all shitty. The list of lies told by Zac and Ryan and Brennon and Mandy, is just too long and bile making to bother with here, but suffice to say not one of these folk is bright enough keep even ONE lie in line let alone a string of 'em.    

I have now been told by these 4 gatekeepers that they would all email HARVEY WRIGHT on my behalf. Harvey, of the variable title, and of the 'I have never heard of him' fame. Harvey who has supposedly signed a business letter to me, but who has no business address that anyone is permitted to give me, yeh that's the same Harvey who is protected from return correspondence, and who does not have to take responsibility for his own correspondence. It's the same Harvey that one call centre worker said was so high up in the hierarchy that no details were available and that yeh he has a PA, but the PA needed to be protected from incoming letters too, yep even emails are considered too dangerous so it seemed.

Ho Hum huh?

I reckon if you asked a cross section of folk where they would be most likely to find an overwhelming percentage of lying scumbags, they'd probably start with politicians and car sales people and I'd agree, but now after the last 2 weeks, I reckon my list is topped by Optus call centre workers.

What's the biggest LIE you have heard recently? 


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