Friday, 11 March 2016

How Quirky is your House?




It's nearly Steve's birthday and so I am trying to sort a bit of a tourist time away, but as is normal if you have a pet, that is my first list item; Sort Dog.

There's a website  www.trustedhousesitters.com which we joined last year and I popped up an ad for this little adventure. Today Peter called in and over a cordial and a bit of a chinwag, everything was sort of sorted. Yeh there is still a bit of paperwork to do and I guess over a coffee a bit later on all the foibles of our place can be pointed out.

It got me thinking about all the weirdness this place holds.

Some years ago we went to London for an extended stay and we foolishly rented the place out. I say foolishly, cos the family just took the piss and broke stuff and stole stuff and ran a business and had who the fuck knows to stay. One of the things they stuffed was my induction cooktop. They smashed the glass top - fuck knows how, and then spilt shit all through the crack. We replaced the glass and just cracked on with producing food.

Seems I am ridiculously right handed and a rather predictable lazy cook cos I only ever use the 2 right hand elements. Until that is recently when I went to use another spot and found that the lefty ones don't work! I don't know when they threw in the towel but they are fucked. Yep this is not the stove for great cooks.

So I started getting a list together of the odd things that go on in the Big House that we hardly ever even notice anymore.

If you know of a simple foolproof fix for any of these, I'd be happy to hear 'em.

The light switches for the bathrooms are on the wall outside, English style, which still catches me out from time to time especially if I am tired.

The Tellie takes a while to 'warm up' like an old black and white 60s jobbie. It does eventually come good but sometimes it flicks itself on and off for 30 minutes or so, and so I turn it on before I really want to settle in so it gets itself sorted without causing me grief.

2 of the toilets sort of squeal like an early teenage girl chasing Justin Beber.

Each bath offers a different service and some experimentation is required to find the best fit and the downstairs tub's plug is not the greatest fit so some leakage happens.

It's necessary to hang clothes on the top rack at the back 3 rows before you put up the lower rack. Of course this might only be because I am a short arse.  

To cool the place down, all the upstairs windows need to be open to suck the dreaded heat up and out.

During storms from the wicked witch of the west, water is pushed under the side door and the concrete floor gets a good wash. We are sanguine about this, but I can see how novices might panic.

The hot water takes quite a long time to climb its way upstairs, so you have to turn the taps on and then write the missing chapter from 'War and Peace' before dropping your duds and getting in.

The trees standing to attention by the front door need to be watered even if it has been pissing down cos they just don't get enough of the wet stuff.

The WiFi seems to have a mind of it's own - ho hum.

I am sure this list is limited and there are lots of things that we do by rote, that others will find more than a little strange.

Still these are all such first world problems and I reckon Peter and Judie will be up for the challenge.

Is your house user friendly or would the 'How to' booklet be long and involved?