Wednesday, 2 December 2015

Bad Luck Causes Cancer

I like to live dangerously so stacked these bits up for a piccie.

There are lots and lots of things you can do that might result in buckets of Bad Luck, piling up at your door.

  • Numbers 4, 13, or 17 - (Just bloody don't go there, except that it's difficult to avoid if you were born on the Fourth of a month.
  • Stepping on a grave ( Oh Dear - not been too long since I spent a fine afternoon yomping all over Kensal Green Cemetery.)
  • Spilling salt (I cook therefore I throw salt)
  • Using an umbrella indoors ( who doesn't do this?)
  • Spitting ( Glad this is one I can cross off my list - bloody disgusting habit!)
  • Killing spiders ( I am an Aussie gal, I hunt spiders as part of my job description)
  • Putting shoes on the table - (How else do you clean 'em, or keep track of 'em. Sometimes I have so many pairs of thongs on the go that they make a bit of an Everest pile on the table.)
  • Turning a sliced loaf of bread upside down ( seriously some people have just too much time on their hands - who could have come up with this shit? It must be true cos I found it on The Google. And Yes I have done it - bugger!)
  • Saying "Pig" at sea (WTF)
  • Walking under a ladder, Breaking a mirror, passing a black cat - all oldies but goodies.
  • Sleeping on or under your dining table ( Well not in recent times but how long do you have to go back to tally up the bad luck events? I am sure we have all slept it off under a table once or twice)  
There are some seriously weird shit things that are supposed to bring bad luck and sadly I reckon I have been party to most of 'em.

So who could feign surprise when I was at the doctor's a couple of weeks ago and she told me, then he told, that I have Leukaemia - no surprise given the consensus was it was,'Just bad luck' but not welcome news either.

To say that I was pissed off could possibly be the understatement of the year!

I wonder about how Bad Luck accumulates... cos as this is the third lot of unrelated cancer I have had I must have been an absolute arsehole to more than just shoes and spiders and salt.

What I do know for sure is that people would not be wise to rub my belly Buddha style if they were hoping for good fortune, in fact perhaps I could whip up a sign warning people to stay away, or maybe get a facial tattoo out of moral obligation.  

The good news is that I have CML ( Chronic Myeloid Leukaemia ) so actually I am pretty lucky - Must be all those rabbits' feet, and shamrocks and sage and crystals I have hidden at the bottom of the garden in the little gnome shed.

So that's my shithouse news for Christmas. I certainly hope that Santa is gonna bring something marginally more pleasant down the old chimney.

No Hang Dog sad faces please.

Instead, let's see who can make me laugh by creating the most irreverent gag about over active mutant white blood cells.

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