Wednesday, 9 December 2015

Ants must be communists.




There is another fucking invasion of stinking black ants here in the Big House. We have both become ruthless ant hunters armed with baits and ant sand and PeaBbea and some Mortein surface spray as well as lashing of water soaked paper towels and I even resorted to lighting a up a mozzie coil to see if that helps.

It's the maverick, 'all for one and one for all' attitude that makes me label the little fuckers as Communists. They have invaded the house in very large numbers, seems like bloody millions and they have taken some advice from a military aficionado cos they are this time, attacking on 2 fronts. Like the Russian army in the WWs life is cheap. They seem to reckon if a million plow on into the house and head towards the sugar and those huge humans kill off most of 'em at least a few might make it through and carry home something for the big boss.

Yeh it should be clear that I don't know much about ants or history or communism, but as the march continues this is all I can think of. It seems as futile as sending in poorly clothed and barely fed fellas to fight on the eastern front in the middle of the winter, like I saw in 'Dr Zhivago'.

The smell of the squashed and poisoned little soldiers is just bloody awful, and I keep wiping up the deadens but it seems that some of the little suckers have taken a leaf out of my survival book and they play dead until they figure I am not looking and then they try to scurry up my arm or away from the poison pouring predator.

My lovely girl who I always ask about animal and plant stuff, said that the more you kill 'em the more that the general sends in reinforcements and the stink they put out in their final moments is supposed to attract more fellas. Ant life is cheap so it seems, however the stuff used to kill 'em is not, but that's another story altogether.

I don't know why all of a sudden the Big House  has become the equivalent of the Goldie's European Front.

It must be the season, ta very much Santa. There are the Christmas beetles doing a little kamikaze onto the polished concrete floor and those fucking great big fly in roaches are just hideous, not to mention the usual spiders and midgies and mozzies and flies.

As the insects move in I feel the jolly green giant rearing it's ugly head and I hope that all my friends living in the northern hemisphere where the snow is falling, are not taking for granted their multi-legged critter  free holiday season.