Monday, 10 August 2015


I am going to this conference. It starts on Thursday and goes through until Saturday.

There has been a great deal of Hooo Haaa about the right thing to wear and the perfectly designed business cards, and how best to take notes and where to plug in all the devices that people must surely be carrying via wheelbarrow, and which sub group might feel good to fall into as well as worries about what to eat and where to go and who will look after the kids.

I am excited to be going cos I think it'll be cool to eye spy some of the Bloggers whose work I read a lot and if I can learn how to Tweetie tweetie tweet tweet, then I will be a happy girl. It's not a long list of expectations is it?

I worry that everyone will know each other and that there might be some of that 'Mean Girl' action, although that is not my biggest worry. I am happy in my own skin so the meanness might or might not be going on and it's all too possible that I will miss it altogether, as a result of head up bum posture.

I worry about not being able to find a parking spot, so am contemplating sleeping in my car over night so not to miss out...well not really cos the place is only a few minutes from my house but I am reckoning on getting there a bit early to make sure I have somewhere to throw the little Mazda.

I worry about the lunch and morning tea etc, cos I don't reckon food needs to be or in deed should be a communal affair. I don't like stuff that has been breathed on by everyone at best and had little fingers thrust into it at worst. My strategy at buffets is to get there first, grab something that looks ok and never go back. If I choose badly, well bad luck. I am please that there is that lovely little coffee shop overlooking the fountain and the greens that will stop this old walloper from fading away to a shadow, (although that might mean that some more clothes will fit - so yippee to the buffet!) the deconstructed chocolate milkshake is just fab!

But mostly I am worried about getting there in time to get an aisle seat. People will get the shits up that I won't move along and because I will insist that they climb over me. It is too hard to explain that I can't sit in between people that I know and like and so I definitely can't sit between 2 strangers! I have reconciled myself to having someone behind and in front of me but to be completely surrounded on all sides, well that just sends me diving for the paper bag and makes me wonder if I should have had that script for valium filled.

I haven't anything SHINY for Friday night, but I have entered into the spirit of it all with a prop that I plan to carry proudly. That's as close as I can come to playing along.

I have just always been a pain in the arse at conferences.

That shitful student, always keen to annoy, just oozes out and is beyond control. It is interesting that all too often the worst students head off to the chalk cupboard when they need to make a living.

Anyway I am an old woman now, so maybe I will manage to hold it all together and behave like a normal human being for a couple of days.

And if all else fails I will be able to put myself on detention and go home.

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