Friday, 6 February 2015

Michelin Star Masturbation

We are pretty brave about different tastes, even though I am happy to admit that I am not up to eating weird shit like kangaroo balls or koala penis. Anyway we have tasted some cool stuff at Degustation meals and as the night usually includes lots of wines the photography is sometimes a bit iffy.

I got Steve a Groupon Coupon for Christmas for Absynthe at Surfers Paradise and after we had fulfilled all the pre-requs for booking, and we tried hard to find a parking spot we stumbled into the place just a few minutes late and when the Maître de set eyes on the coupon  his shoulders drooped a little and he sent in the 'girlie from the Czech Republic' who wondered if we could understand her well enough.

We started with a beer. Steve tried a FAT YAK. He needed to pour it into a chilled glass cos it tasted a bit weird in the bottle. It was an OK brew.

And so to food.

6 courses and unusually only 3 wine tastes. Immediately we were told that there was no lamb rack and that we'd be given poached chicken instead.

1. Bite Me

Tomato soup made mostly from cucumbers in a shot glass. I should have stopped after my first little sip but I was hungry so downed the lot, or little bit as was lucky and it was the soup that kept on giving for the whole of the evening, into the small hours of this morning.

Yeh it bit me alright.

2.The Earth
That plastic stuff over the beetroot lump was I think vodka gel. A real squirt of voddie straight into my gob would have been better.

Beetroot stuff and the tiniest squirt of really nice blue cheese dip. Yeh there was other stuff on the plate but it didn't taste of anything so it was just empty calories and exercise for my jaw.

I didn't feel too grounded after this morsel fest.

3. Macquarie Harbour.
Scale needed: Salmon = pointy finger

A slither of very yummy salmon and 2 squirts of pumpkin mash and 2 squirts of cheesey dip. It was all pleasant enough even if so laden with salt that it drove even Steve to dive into the water glass instead of the wine. There was just soo much squirt that I wondered if the underpaid apprentice chef had gone a bit spastic with the piping bag.

4. The Farm.
Tasted just better than it looks.

Poached bit of rolled chicken which was salty but ok and green cabbage stuff which was ok but salty and some olive bubble goo which tasted of nothing at all.

Farmer Joe would not have had cause to be too proud of this lot.

5. The Sweet Start.
Those are squishy grapes and the orange stuff was nasty.

I ate the icey treat and Steve left the lot.

6. Heavenly Sweet

A Chocolate fondant served still in the metal ramekin thing that we needed to burn our fingers trying to decant onto the plate. And even though the centre was not gooey like it should be, this was the hero dish of the night. It had some raspberry splodge on the side that was also pretty tastey.

All I can imagine is that this place does a bit of a poncey trade in unsuspecting posh type tourists who will never be in a position to come back and who want to be able to boast about some gastronomical greatness while on hols. It sure as hell cannot be relying on repeat local trade.

No we will not be back.

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