Thursday, 24 November 2016

Online shopping.

Yep, bras and glasses are an odd combo, but that's how we rolled today.

The older I get the less exciting I find it to shovel my boobs into a bra, slide my feet into shoes and throw something halfway decent over my body just to make nice with people at the shops. But sometimes it really is a needs must, cos whilst most things can be found online, so long as you know exactly what you want, if you aren't sure, then you need to sort of test drive some stuff to make a choice and the easiest way to do that is to go to a big store.

Thus Myer called us today. I am sorry I answered the fucking phone.

We wanted some new glasses, cos you know how glasses go a bit sort of milky and then look truly disgusting like milk has fermented then settled permanently inside 'em in a thick shitting film, just cos you pop 'em in the disher, well that's what ours were like. Stevie  reminded me of a bloke a couple years ago who whinged about the state of 'em and how he wouldn't drink out of 'em, but he was a bit of a pain and we haven't seen him in a good long while, but I rather doubt they have improved any since then, so I guess it really was time to get some newies.

Now glasses are a very personal thing. I like ones that are a bit weighty, but not too tall for the disher and they need to hold about a pint of stuff, cos that's how much I can drink without the ice melting completely so I don't have to haul arse up to get some more every few minutes. Yeh I am one lazy cow! But I also like a smaller glass to fill with tap water every morning to take the poison. Yeh I know I could use the same big glass, but I like a smaller one, maybe so I can convince myself of the insignificance of it all. Yeh lazy and delusional. And then there is the stemless wine glasses which are all the rage - for a long time - I know, but I am slow, slow lazy and delusional, shit this is getting to be quite the list! Who fancies going shopping with me?

So we about moved into the shop and tried on every glass in the place and eventually settled on what we wanted and at that point we should have photographed the boxes and come home, ripped off the bra and ordered 'em online.

The service person was such in name only. I'll say no more. I had to walk away. I took the escalator to another floor. I immersed myself in Christmas cheer while Stevie persevered. Bless him.

On the way out I thought I'd check to see if they had any of my bras, and bugger me they did and they were HALF PRICE. WHAT A BARGAIN! This is clearly why people go into the shops, just so they can keep up with the sales.

None in my size.

To check to see if they could get some delivered to the store for a cost of a tenner, I had to give all manner of details, including but not limited to age, sex and inside leg measurement. Not to ORDER the bras, you understand,  just to see if they were available! The woman was a moron and so someone else took over and said they needed all my details again but in another screen. I lost it and walked.

2 Store girls laughed at me, and I told 'em off.

On the way outta there the fucking buzzy thing went mental and then we were all but strip searched looking for contraband, all because the glasses woman didn't de-bug the fucking box. Assuming we were thieves and being frog marched back into the store to a 'pay station', and having the bags ramsacked, did not make my day.

Oh yeh, the bra was off and the bucket mouth was overflowing.

Shit, I really should not be let loose.

Home and 3 bras ordered online - no delivery charge - 3 minutes while I chomped on food and downed a bevvie from my new glass.

I fucking hate going to the shops.

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