Sunday, 20 November 2016

My Pond is Stinking!




Yep it's the season to stink!

Mostly when the sun shines, and the days lengthen and people slosh their jumpers through the old Martha Gardener's wool mix and vacuum pack 'em away, smiles widen and all is good in the suburbs.

The bushes burst and in our front yard at least, the poinciana tree shrugs off the death mask of winter and flashes her slutty red blooms and the garden in general just looks pretty self satisfied. Oh sure there's some weeds that pop up which are executed either by hand or poison, but in general the yard and garden are mostly low maintenance and it's just lovely to look at.

All except for the fucking pond that is.

In the winter the sun dances somewhere else and so the pond is mostly shadey and so scum free - scum being a lover of sunshine!

But as soon as the season shifts and the sun hits the pond nearly all day, that shitful stinking scum comes back with a vengeance. It just sticks it's finger up at me and multiplies out of fucking control. I'd like to put in place a one child policy like in China, but the sludge would completely ignore me I am pretty sure.

During the winter, I pop out in the morning and chat to 'The Girls'. I feed 'em up and keep a bit of an eye on 'em. I have enjoyed watching 'em grow from teeny tiny little gals into the walloping mothers they are now. But the trouble with the summer sludge, apart from the dreadful pong, is that the water is all cloudy and so it's harder to see 'em. Bugger! The Girls don't seem to give a shit, in fact the guy at the pet shop reckons they quite like it, well maybe all except for the one that pegged it during the week. Yeh I had to slurp it up in the net and ceremoniously launch it into the bushes. It's good fertilizer isn't it?

I have been trying to get rid of the stink this week.

I emptied the pond by about a third, and then filled it up with lovely clean expensive Gold Coast water and some chemical shit.

I have had the fountain running for more than a dozen hours a day.

I have dug the bottom sludge out 3 times this week and fed it to various bits of the garden and have been kept busy splodging in the anti stink shit.

To very little avail. Fuck it! It still smells bad! And bugger it all, I can't see The Girls.

I am no longer squeamish about getting in there and getting shit all up my legs, or in deed touching the yuk with my hands, although I must say that a nose peg for the stink has crossed my mind.

Any hints for getting the shit gone? Reckon I will try anything.