Wednesday, 11 May 2016

Fucking Shingles!!





Well I'll be fucked! Forums and Dr Google and I are dead right.

Dr Jane texted this morning - (6 am - what a woman she is huh?) and said that she got the pathology back confirming that I had Shingles. She took a little blister bit while I was there on Monday, and sent it off, even though she didn't think it was anything too much to worry about. I guess she listened to
me more than I thought.

So there are some anti viral drugs you can take that are pretty effective in killing off the spotty pain in the arse - or chest of ribs or where ever they happen to pop up. And now I am even more rattly than before. I am tempted to think that I am a few days behind on the popping of the pills cos they are most useful if taken before the third day of the symptons, but I am giving it a go anyway, cos the pain is pretty shitful and I am hopeful - Optimistic with reason - definition courtesy of Micheal J Fox.

I must admit to feeling pretty chuffed with myself for the clever diagnosis.

I was clutching at straws for an explanation for the all but, invisible symptoms.

I was about to forgive the world for deciding that I was a class A hypochondriac.

I had begun to wonder if in deed I was just imagining this shit.... and to think some people put their imaginations to such good uses like writing wonderful fiction or painting or entertaining or dreaming up Santa or fairies.

So it was back to Dr Google to see if I could find any consensus about how long I am gonna be getting around wobbly titted, and tilting to the right to take the pressure off and yawning at 8.30 in the morning until I lever myself into bed at some child bedtime o'clock, and the news is not good. It seems that I am contagious until the blisters crust over - doesn't that just sound delightful? - be ok if I was making some bread or trying for some 'crunch' to add to some whizz bang meal on Masterchef, but not so much when discussing the lumpy red shit on my belly.

No-one on Google wants to punt on a time frame for the blisters, though I just can't imagine that it can be very long, cos otherwise someone would have invented an 'old person's blister pad cover thing' cos it's is mostly old people who get Shingles and bless 'em, someone has kindly thought to invent old people's nappies and a stair-chair lift thing and now little house lifts for the non-claustrophobic so why not a blister liquid catcher? The blisters can't last long can they, cos the drug companies would not miss out on making something to help a chronic long weep that could earn 'em a motza.

But the pain it seems is a different issue altogether. Google says it is possible - I hope not fucking LIKELY, that the pain can hang around for months...Shit there's a chance at that rate, that I will develop into a first class fucking whinger. If whinging was to be included in the upcoming Olympics, I could be Australia's representative with a very real chance of winning gold.

But the whinging doesn't achieve much. It sure as shit doesn't make me feel any better and Stevie doesn't need any reminders about the fact that I am less than peachy, cos he has eyes as well as ears and can see for himself - poor bastard, at least I only need to feel it, I don't have to see it too - yep I am avoiding the mirrors.

I remember having Chicken Pox when I was a kid. I had all those peskie childhood diseases cos I was kicking my toes and running barefoot long before there was any such thing as the gold class vaccines of today. The Pox was horrendous! It's the only one of these shitful diseases that I can vividly recall and as Shingles is the same virus that subsequently took up residence in my spine, and has just lazed around doing bugger all, for all these fucking years, and has now decided to leap out just to be the cherry on my day, it should be no surprise that Shingles is no picnic either.

But it sounds like it should be. Pox sounds pretty shitful but not Shingles...
Shingle bells shingle bells...lucky I am only singing in my head.
Shingle roofs
Fruit Tingle shingles.
Shingle singles
Shingle dingles
It all sounds so friendly and cute, shame it ain't so.

Yeh it's good to be right about it, and know that 'this too will pass' but if the Shingle fairies swept in during the night to take it all back, I would not be unhappy.