The Assault begins.

No I am not a no longer secret junkie! For years my brother who liked to pretend that everyone else in the world was a complete fuckwit, wore long sleeves to hide the tracks and the tats, but this shitty bruise heralds the beginning of the knee parade.

Stevie and I went off for his and her blood tests this morning. We took dog cos I was worried about her digging up my new half done garden.

Steve was kindly whisked away by a young girl which meant that I was left with this bloke who didn't look like he could find his arse with both hands and a torch.

He asked all sorts of banal questions and I dutifully answered them as politely as any good old woman might.

He got stuck in and instantly popped the vein while he swung on the canular thing in a bid to fill up four little bottles. 'Little sting now....oops sorry!' How very fucking ho hum is that, and all before breakfast too!!

I told him when I sat down that I am allergic to all tapes and adhesives. He said to remind him of this later.... seriously you only expect to be in the there for a couple of minutes, it's not like you are moving in and writing him into your will!

So he finishes his gymnastics on the needle and gets out a bandaid and I tell him I am allergic. So he gets a bit of cottonwool and says,'Press down on this.' He fiddles about with my little red bottles and then before I could blink or think to remind him for a third time, he whips out a long bit of tape and sticks the blob of wool down.

I am not sure he had finished with his paper work but I was done so I leapt out of the chair, ripped off the tape and was outta there.

I didn't tell him to fuck off or call him a dickhead or question his qualifications, so in my mind I was very well behaved. I am gonna try my best this time round NOT to piss off the help. But I sure as shit do not fancy going back to this fella again. I mean I have good veins but they are gonna get a work out over the next month so some care is in order.

Steve's girlie was just lovely, not even a pin prick mark and faster than a speeding bullet. I do wonder what qualifications are necessary to draw blood. Good aim should be a pre-requisite at least and maybe a steady hand.

Ham and cheese omelette for breakfast, so I could pretend that it was a delicious fun start to the day.