Thursday, 7 July 2016

What is fidelity?

fidelity
fɪˈdɛlɪti/
noun
  1. 1.
    faithfulness to a person, cause, or belief, demonstrated by continuing loyalty and support.
    "his fidelity to liberal ideals"
    synonyms:loyaltyallegianceobedienceconstancyfealtyhomage
  2. 2.
    the degree of exactness with which something is copied or reproduced.
    "the 1949 recording provides reasonable fidelity"
    synonyms:accuracyexactness, exactitude, precision, preciseness, correctness, scrupulousness;

Urban Dictionary: fidelity

www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=fidelity

Top Definitionfidelity. faithfulness to a person, cause, belief, etc, demonstrated by continued loyalty and support. he had no fidelity so he cheated on his girl.



I have been consumed with sadness, being party to the weak minded sneaky meanness of a fella fooling around while his wife continues to make the dinner.  

The more you go looking for a definition of fidelity, the less appealing it appears to be. It just doesn't sound like fun at all really. I mean they are not easy words are they? Obedience? Who wants to do as they are told? Shit I have spent my whole life questioning the orders of others. Being obedient just doesn't sit well with me. I am far more likely to run if I am told to stop - well in my mind anyway, cos let's face it has been a bloody long time since I ran anywhere, and definitely I will be seen to stop if told to run, yeh that's far easier to believe. I question just about everything, perhaps because I don't have a very high opinion of authority figures. Yep I would say I have spent my life defying the orders and expectations of others.

I didn't play with dolls and always wanted the be in charge of the 'boys'' tools even though that caused an ongoing battle with my lovely but chauvinist dad, who might have made me be in the tough maths class but who could not control my smoking sojourn almost every double lesson on a tuesday. Dad could make me be in the class but not do the class.

I was anything but obedient on either side of the teacher's desk and have been party to some monumental melt downs with Head Teachers and other education administrators. Not for the sake of being irritating, although I certainly have the capacity to be that too, but mostly because I had a fundamental disagreement with 'em and refused to accept that they knew more than me or had more of an interest in the kids than me, or had the authority to tell me what to do. Arrogant - yes I will cop to that, and perhaps that's what it takes to be disobedient, that or just being a willful pain in the arse.

I am not obedient, but I don't reckon that makes me guilty of infidelity.

Loyalty - YES

Constancy - YES

Staunchness - YES

But Obedience - NO.

But perhaps in terms of Fidelity, obedience has more to do with being obedient to promises made, willingly and with full understanding of expectations.

If I was going to approach a weight loss programme with a sense of fidelity I would sort of be promising to weight shit or count shit or buy smaller plates or only eat white stuff or green stuff or spend 2 days a week being miserable, and so every time I snuck around the corner and shoveled a sweetie snack into my gob I would be being promiscuous. The smear of chocolate and the spittle leakage on my chin would be a give away, and the speed of the shoveling would all amount to making me feel guilty. Yeh that's more than any other reason why I don't bother, that and the fact that I have zero will power and a sweet tooth that can chomp up sugar for Australia.

Being faithful to a promise made willingly and knowingly doesn't seem too taxing to me. Being obedient to rules you have made for yourself seems all too achievable.

So what I don't get is INFIDELITY.

I don't get the sneaking around, the trying to fool yourself that your behaviour is acceptable.

I can easily see how circumstances change and that promises need to adjusted, but it's the timing of it all that I just don't get.

It takes courage I suppose to sign off on one thing before you start looking for the next thing. If a woman is bored with her fella then it just seems to be a lack of integrity to go hunting for a new partner, before you have told the old one that promises have run their course. I guess women who do this are just afraid of being on their own. Even after all these years I reckon it must still rankle my ex-hubby that I prefered to be with NOONE rather than with him. He would have found it easier to take if I had left him for someone else, and maybe it's this feeling that drives people to cheat on their husbands or wives.

Except that's just BULLSHIT. Cheating is not a benevolent act of kindness. It's weak and dishonest and disloyal and pathetic.

Relationships fail, but there just doesn't seem to be any excuse to play both ends against the middle. There seems no excuse to go looking for a replacement just cos you are afraid to be on your own.

People don't routinely stumble upon someone who they find so completely intoxicating, if they are fully committed in their relationship.

If you are no longer interested, by all means suck it up and have the courage to bugger off. Just don't guttlessly  try out replacements cos this is mean and nasty and designed to make your partner, with whom you have an agreement, feel like shit.

So what is fidelity?

It's being your partner's most staunch loyal ally - that's the hard part. The easiest part is just simply keeping it in your pants, or your pants on.