The gate buzzer went off like a rocket this morning and I must admit that I was relieved to see that it was not the Australian Olympic selectors fronting to ask me to join the team in Brazil, cos I had just been reading about the accommodation in the athletes' village and shit doesn't that all just sound like more than a little bit yukky - I mean I'd prefer to go camping and it is no secret that I don't go camping. So I am gonna have to disappoint those selectors when they pop in to ask me to represent my country in sloth and laziness cos I just don't fancy going there.
If you can get passed the piss poor third world plumbing and electrics and the fundamental provisions within the shared quarters and the dark hallways and stairwells, that might be an excellent rendezvous spot to use up a handful of the free supply of condoms but which might also prove to a bit of a trip hazard for our elite folk, well if you can get passed all that, the little plug in things to help the fight against the Zika virus, well these might be the final sticking point.
Now I have a couple of these mozzie zappers here at home and I plug 'em in during the summer when I am going to bed and the grandie always asks me if his is turned on, but I am tempted to think they are just a sleep placebo - it's turned on and so now I can sleep, oh bugger it's out of 'stuff' so I'll never get to sleep now. Yeh even thinking this, I still make sure they are plugged and are spewing out some stuff that might or might not kill off the bugs.
But we just have regular mozzies here, and you don't have to lose sleep wondering if the fuckers are gonna kill you or make a mutant baby, and you don't have to get around in long sleeves and long pants, and you don't have to worry about getting some virus in your blood that ordinary mozzies are gonna slurp up and so become super bad fucker Zika Mozzies.
Yep seriously if I was gonna be in the Aussie Team I would be taking some industrial strength mozzie spray and would be wearing it like perfume every waking hour and sleeping hours too, cos I just wouldn't trust the little plug in device to protect me.
So this sort of leads me to wonder what the Olympic big wigs are doing allocating the games to countries which let's face it, really and truly should be spending their money elsewhere. I know there is the argument about the games being good for the local economy and all that tosh, but I don't buy it. And I do wonder if there is a correlation between the crime there and the off the scale pissed-off-ed-ness of the locals. I reckon it's possible that if the locals were happy with their lot that they would be far less likely to want to stick their hands into other people's pockets. This of course might well be too simplistic a view, cos maybe the criminals are being bussed in from other disenfranchised areas.
I wonder whether it's time that the Olympics are played in places that can afford to take a bit of a knocking, or that already have facilities in place to cater for everyone. Yeh that means that the poorer places don't get a look in, but then they also don't have to go into further debt and have more of their arses hanging out of their jeans. And it would also mean that the elite athletes of the world could go about coping a feel in the stairwells, without fear of disease or being tripped over.
And this of course is important cos don't we hope that they all share that gene pool to create the supa - dupa bodies of tomorrow?
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