Saturday, 23 November 2013

Out Damn Spot!


Just a little over a year ago, on our flight back to London, as a result of the nonstop screaming kicking child and the parents who did NOTHING, I had what I decided was my last ever migraine. I discovered that yes I hate travelling up the front of the plane with children and that yes it is possible to position yourself in those tiny plane loos in such a way as to throw up into those silly little bags without getting puke all over yourself and that said bags do indeed flush.

I reckon a headache is a headache until I see the spots and I start to throw-up. Then I call it a migraine.

The research says that there is a strong belief that migraines are hormonal and that they are hereditary and that women are 2-3 times more likely to suffer than men. So I was very pleased that as my post menopausal year passed so it seemed had the bloody pains in the head. Belly had begun to rejoice in the belief that hers will have an expiry date too. However Thursday saw the return of the ache and the spots and yesterday the splitting pain and the vomits.

Now I am a ‘my glass is half full kinda gal’ so I was pleased that it had been a year since the last one, but with that year went my auto pilot routine. I had forgotten that I used to jump straight into a hot bath and swathe my head in freezing towels. I had forgotten about sitting up rather than lying flat out like the corpse I wished I was. The anti nausea wafers which cost about a tenner each must have been out of date cos even after 3 of the suckers, they did nothing to stem the bile flow and so for about 15 hours I puked and puked, completely unable to take any pain meds cos that too would have come on up.

It just beggars belief that if so many people suffer from these insidious things, that there is not research being done around the clock. I don’t want to sound all hairy arm pitted feministo about it but I do wonder if it is because so many more women suffer than men. I wish that I had not thought year 10 science a sufficient education. I wish that I was science savvy and able to research a cure. At the moment the only thing that I reckon can bring relief is to be totally knocked out for the duration, but that could be anything up to 3 days.

As I am still a little fuzzy today, I am hoping that the damn thing is over and done with for at least another year. The absence of migraines was the crowning glory of no more hormones! Osteoporosis- who cares! No Headaches! Wrinkles- who cares! No more torn muscles from driving the big white bus. Dry eye balls – who cares! No more losing 2 or 3 days wishing you could be anywhere else in the galaxy.

I should write out my little survival script and tape it to the back of a door just in case another miserable fucker creeps up on me and lays me flat again.


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