Monday, 23 November 2015

Toe Jam is a pain in the bum.






About a year ago, my right big toe shit itself and I dutifully sucked it up and painted claggy crap on it twice a day for literally months and months. And finally it looked good to me so out came the loud coloured nail polish and my toes twinkled again. I reckon feet are hideous things so anything you can do to tart 'em up a bit, well it's worth the effort.

But the trouble with heavily painted toes is that you never get to see what insidious shit is going on underneath. If you just paint 'em up and then wipe it all off only to paint 'em again, you don't notice the weirdness developing until all of a sudden there is some pain and it feels like the whole nail is gonna loose it's grip on your toe and you wonder how it is ever gonna be possible to wear a closed in shoe again. 

I have tried the 'head in the sand' approach before on a grander scale at my old house, when I splodged heavy enamel paint onto the termite effected skirting boards. I had no carpentry skills or cash to replace said woodwork, so where it was possible I sort of cobbled together bits of dust and hope with the paint. Behind the paint was air and possibly termites. Yes it did look terrible but it was the best I could do. I was lucky that the termites didn't continue to chomp through the timber. Yes it was more luck than good management.

You will be please to know that I have never rented myself out as a house renovator, I know my limits, and that mostly had to do with covering up shit marks or dents with furniture or artwork. Yeh I can paint up a storm and I have been know to throw a leg onto my roof and slop some tar crap up there to help with a leaky situation, but real reno stuff I leave to the experts.

But I digress.

It seems that treating only ONE nail for all those fucking months was a bit of a wasted effort cos the sneaking fucking fungus crept along onto all the nails and so this time I am taking no prisoners and ALL TEN little buggers are getting a good going over.

This new gloop only needs to be applied once a week so much less trouble than before, but it still takes a ridiculously long time cos you have to wait til the nails have grown out. I am lucky that mine seem to grow like topsy so maybe this will be quicker than expected.

The biggest bugger of it all is that I have to look at the hideous naked things - no nail polish colours until the fungus is gone.

I know that compared to all the truly shitful curve balls your body can throw at you, smudgy toe nails are pretty insignificant - irritating but not significant.

Are your toes pretty?
Have you ever taken a short cut to cover up a bit of a mess?